still secretive
It ain’t none of your business.
What about secrets WITHIN the relationship?
I’ve been involved with a person who was/is so secretive……it’s scary. Namely because, I didn’t understand why. How bad could this secret be? And who am I that you’d have to keep me out the loop?
That led me to believe that he was involved in some bullshit that either he specifically didn’t want me to know about (some ol’ sneaky “on the side” shit), or something that I really shouldn’t know about because it could “hurt” me or maybe incriminate me in some way.
Ok, so what does that mean for our relationship, if you have that kind of secret that you’re keeping from me? If you’re involved in something of that magnitude that you can’t be open with me, perhaps I need to keep you at a distance.
And to make matters worse, he’s HORRIBLE at keeping secrets. If the secret is that serious, then I shouldn’t even know about the secret to begin with. I shouldn’t even know that you have something to keep from me.
Believe me, I don’t allude to ANYTHING that I don’t want others to be aware of. You won’t even know that there’s something I don’t want you to know about.
**********************************************************************************************
But ummm, yeah. Enough about me, lol.
Can a relationship tolerate secrets?? If so, to what extent?
Have you ever got the feeling that your lover was keeping something from you??
- Did you investigate further? Were you right? How’d you find out??
Or was your instinct enough to get you movin’ in the other direction?
How free flowing is YOUR information in a relationship?
- Are you an open book? Or do you keep a lock on it?
In a casual relationship, do you ever admit to seeing other people? Has a mate ever admitted it to you?
- What was the end result? Could you handle it? Could they handle it?
are some things better left unsaid?
This is SHESOPINIONATED.com,
and everyone is entitled to my opinion.
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://shesopinionated.com/2007/09/18/still-secretive/trackback/
Comments
I think we all in some way or another hold back some things. I am not sure if I’d call my shit “secrets”. I am an only child (I fall back on that alot)…so I am not used to charing alot about myself (except on my blog) but even with my friends…there is a certain amount of information that I just.don’t.share. Is it omission? Probably. And is omission bad in a relationship? Probably.
But…it is what it is and best believe I am not going looking for shit. I believe once you start looking you have 1. already determined the fate of your relationship which is…distrust and 2. be prepared to find something that is going to set you off…because your ALWAYS gonna find SOMETHING…no doubt about that.
Posted by: Blah Blah Blah | September 18th, 2007 09:55
I’m an only child too, how bout it. And sharing definitely isn’t my strong point. I don’t look for information, cuz like you said, you will find SOMETHING. May or may not be what you were lookin for, but you WILL find it.
You got me thinkin about omission. I tend to leave it out (no pun intended), although its probably the most common form of lying. And as much as I hate liars, I can be quite the omitter.
Not sure what to say about that.
~B. Good
Posted by: B. Good | September 18th, 2007 10:34
I don’t like being in the dark, so I tend not to put or keep others there. So, yes If sumthin doesn’t seem right, I’m on it. If I don’t find anything, I’m putting a ookmark in the page and goin on. His best bet is that I not get referred back to page whatever…
Omission sucks, but I gues we all do it in some form or another. It’s part of the “representative.”
Posted by: Andrea | September 18th, 2007 12:29
Can a relationship tolerate secrets?? If so, to what extent?
Yes, but the other person should not be able to guess that there is a secret. And it shouldn’t be about something material to the relationship or the other person’s well-being as your significant other. For example, having a police record—you ought to say something. Repeating the eighth grade 4 times is really nobody’s business.
Have you ever got the feeling that your lover was keeping something from you??
The feeling? Boy, did I ever have the feeling.
Did you investigate further? Were you right? How’d you find out??
I investigated further, but I had a little help. A family member told me some of the stuff that I needed filling in on. I still don’t know why these things were a secret—it’s not like he did something bad. It’s more like he didn’t want to talk about some things that had hurt him in the past. I felt like he couldn’t trust me.
Are you an open book? Or do you keep a lock on it?
I am an OPEN book once I feel like I can trust you—simply because people need information about me so they don’t think I’m going off the deep end or flying off the handle for nothing. I have issues. The sooner a man understands that, the sooner he can understand my needs, likes, and dislikes.
Posted by: Gods Child | September 18th, 2007 12:31
Can a relationship tolerate secrets?? If so, to what extent? some things are better left unsaid and aren’t really relevant to the relationship so why bring them up?
Have you ever got the feeling that your lover was keeping something from you?? yes it was a very UNEASY feeling
Did you investigate further? yes Were you right? yes How’d you find out?? by diggin and investigating !LOL!
How free flowing is YOUR information in a relationship? I’m an open book
In a casual relationship, do you ever admit to seeing other people? Has a mate ever admitted it to you? I admit but I don’t always feel I’m getting the 411
Posted by: geegee | September 18th, 2007 19:52
Can a relationship tolerate secrets?? If so, to what extent?
~As long as a person is good at keeping them and they aren’t harmful it can.
Have you ever got the feeling that your lover was keeping something from you??
~Haven’t we all?
Did you investigate further?
~No. I have a “What’s done in the dark…” policy. And if the secret is something that has nothing to do with me, what good does it serve if I find out? All that’s happend is that a trust has been betrayed.
How free flowing is YOUR information in a relationship?
~I’m like Geegee, I’m an open book. If you ask, I’ll tell. BUT if you aren’t as forthright, I put a filter on because I don’t like to be the only one sharing.
In a casual relationship, do you ever admit to seeing other people? Has a mate ever admitted it to you?
~I’m like the military “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” If we aren’t exclusive, then you don’t need to know who else I’m seeing and vice versus. The one time I asked, I didn’t like the answer so I never asked anyone ever again.
Posted by: Mahogany Brown | September 19th, 2007 11:16