our bodies, ourselves
December 04th, 2007 | 
Category:
Check yourself
Before you wreck yourself
It pains me to have to blog about this (again), but thats what ShesOpinionated.com is here for. US to talk about US. So lets talk.
This morning I’m listening to another segment of Ed Lover’s Paternity Test Tuesdays (morning radio show here in NY). And like so many other times, there’s a woman who swears that this man (or one of these men) is the father of her baby; that she wasn’t with anyone else; and that she’s upset because the father is not there taking care of his child.
Honey, maybe thats because its 
Man, every time I wanna jump on the “Stand Up, Be a Man, and Take Care of yo’ KIDS!” campaign, I gotta step down because more than half the time, it ain’t his kid.
But umm, a lotta yall men
DO need to take care of yo’ kids .
DO need to take care of yo’ kids
I’ve believed it to be true, and now I’m positive that a lot of women just don’t know how and when one gets pregnant (or they are REALLY foolin themselves into thinking they weren’t having sex with anyone else at that time… squirrel please).
In each month, there’s only a 2-week window of opportunity for one to get pregnant. Sooooo, given that specific time frame, how hard is it to track when and with whom you had sex?? It shouldn’t be that hard. Should it? And if it is…… 
Women, we are losing our credibility. We are making LIARS out of ourselves. Mainly because we just…don’t know. Yeah, I’m sure there are a lot of cases where women are just being reckless. But I think more often than not, too many of us don’t really understand how this whole baby thing works. And if anyone should know how it works, it should be us, yes?
We are making these tests more necessary than they have to be. We are making it that much harder for US and OUR CHILDREN to get the proper love and support we
How can I convince and educate the masses to DO BETTER so that we are consistently upholding our end of the bargain, and leaving NO room for error, denial, and excuses?
That’s what I’m struggling with. How to better our decision-making skills. How to increase the likelihood that our young (and not so young) girls are making well-informed, well-researched decisions that will better their lives and the lives of their children.
I don’t know. I don’t know it all; I just know that something needs to be done.
but what?
You may recognize the title of this post, because its the title of a popular and informative book on Women’s Health. It was first published in 1970, and has been revised over the years, but my mom let me read it to help explain some things to expect as a woman.
Its a small step, but I’ll start by recommending that every woman pick up a copy and read it for yourself or give it to a woman who could benefit from the knowledge.
Take care of your bodies and yourselves!
This is SHESOPINIONATED.com,
and everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I always enjoy reading your blog and often agree with your assessment of different situations. You are so right about the lack of knowledge about how our bodies operate, particularly among women of African descent. My stepfather gave me the book (he also was the first to give it to my mom and all of her sisters when they visited from Africa). The book changed my life at 16 and I credit it for how in tune I am with changes in my body today. I think we need to find ways for older and younger generations of women to dialogue so young women know what to expect from their bodies. Most importantly, issues of sexuality need to be discussed in a mature and informative manner instead of the way our community handles these issues, attaching stigmas and value judgements. Just because a woman knows how her body operates and why it does what it does doesn’t mean that she will be promiscuous and it may infact make her more responsible with the decisions she makes.
You know where I stand on all of this: paternity test, regardless of how much I love and trust my partner.
In some ways, I see the situation like blaming people for being over the legal driving limit. Drinking and driving isn’t illegal. Drinking too much and then driving is illegal - yet where is the education on how much is too much? Where is the portable method for measuring one’s level of intoxification?
Women seem to be in a similar boat so many take the easy way out and just say who they WANT the father to be… or they guess.
Hi Abi! Its always nice to hear that someone finds my blog read-worthy, and even agrees with it from time to time. I’m so glad that you can co-sign on the book and the value it can bring to those who read it. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment share your point of view!
Hey West! Yeah, I remember your post about paternity tests. I too believe its necessary to protect yourself and the child.
And I almost understood your comparison, but not really. It sounds like you were hinting at the same thing I was, and thats a lack of education for these type of situations. In either case, it shouldn’t be a guessing game. It shouldn’t be a game at all.
Thanks, as always, for your comments!
~B. Good
I’m not sayin… I’m just sayin’, these chicks can’t be not knowing like that ! Can they?
You are so right Bgood. They need to learn something!
I think that if they could stop acting this way they certainly would. Also, it’s hard to change trajectory when you’re traveling at high speed. Some of these women just don’t have that background to really help them step back and think. And epiphanies don’t come every day.
hmm…i thought it would be interesting to relay something that probably everyone has heard about by now, but interestingly related none-the-less. so, the rumor is that Tiffany aka New york is pregnant and it is not clear which one of the “i love new york” contestants is the father (or would be father). hmmm…sex comes with huge responsibilities and these kind of stories are disheartening.
Say what??? Naw I hadn’t heard that rumor about Tiffany/’New York’. Say it ain’t so! I reeeaaalllly hope its not true.
But if it is……*smh*……thats that recklessness and need for better decision-making I was referring to.
Ladies, don’t let it happen to you! Please.
~B. Good
Budda…well…he was really nice to look at. Too bad taylor Made won.
yeah, i’ve been hearing it on the radio the past couple of days. it may just be a rumor. however, her promiscuous behavior on both seasons of the show and previously on flavor of love suggest that the rumor might be true. she was tested before the show (as everyone else) and was not pregnant. and apparently, in the exit test, she was pregnant. i mean, do you, but like that, and on national tv…where will it stop?
You are SO right. I always wanna give women the benefit of the doubt when they start hollerin’ about their baby daddy not being involved… but I have had 5, count em, FIVE, male friends who have been dragged thru so much drama only to find out the time and love and money and emotional attatchment they’ve put into a child isn’t their own. It really makes every other woman out there look bad. It shouldn’t, but it reflects on all of us. I have a friend now who is so paranoid he goes to EXTREME measures to end up not being in that situation again. So sad.
Somehow B.Good, I don’t think education will help some. There are those who are just reckless, not once, but two or three times. What saddens me is the children who have to suffer.
Excellent post, B. I agree 100%. Things happen but there is no earthly reason not to know who your child’s father is unless you are the victim of rape or something like that. No reason to have to test multiple negroes. It gives the women that are handling their business a bad rap. And I hate when these women go on national television with this mess!
I remember that book. I think I used to own it.
Great post, B. It’s hard to say what’s scarier. Not knowing who the child’s father is, or not knowing how your body works. There’s so much info out there, that we (collectively speaking) just don’t take advantage of.
Also, West, I’d never heard that before, but I don’t blame you for the PT early in the game. Saves time, money and maybe a life.
Again, great post.
PS. On Maury, why do the women come on there 8/9 times and still can’t get the answer they want? Something ain’t right with the women or the show. But something ain’t right…
You know where I stand. I just don’t get it…for the life of me, I don’t want to. I can say that parents AND schools are dropping the ball as far as the education part goes. And the younger (and dumber) these parents get, that part isn’t goin to get any better cuz they are gettin knocked up without a clue.
God Bless em, cuz it shonuff ain’t for the kid…