to have and to hold
December 18th, 2007 | 
Category:
When your ex gets married.
EDIT: The former lover who for whatever reason didn’t work out at the time, but……ya know. Yall still cool. Ever felt some kinda way about it? I mean, not that you were planning on getting back with them……but, would them getting married affect you in one way or another?
I can think of 2 names that would definitely make my stomach drop if I found out they were getting married. Is it because I still like them or want them? No, not necessarily. But something about the option being taken away……it would make me tilt my head to side a bit.
I wonder if it would affect you less if you’re in a committed relationship of your own. Probably, because that right there takes away the option of you being with anyone else (in theory).
When my friend first brought up feeling this way about an ex, I figured she was trippin and probably just had the marriage itch (she’s single too). But when I thought about my own experiences, I realized that she wasn’t alone. I’d definitely feel funny if
Oooooo, maybe thats it. Having not totally ruled each other out as potential partners……it would certainly catch me off guard if I find out he’s committing to someone else. Cuz that would mean he decided to rule me out, rule US out, and didn’t even consult me about it.
Oh yeah, that would rub me the wrong way, fa sho. Call it what you wanna call it.
affected.
Whew. A lil too much opinionated honesty comin’ out on this one.
This is SHESOPINIONATED.com,
and everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Hummmm… I would feel some type of way. Probably more so because I like the attention of people wanting me. As bad as it may sound, that’s real talk. lol.
I think being in a relationship helps because at the end of the day, you know you have your own. However, you may find yourself thinking “What if?” from time to time.
This has happened to me twice. The first guy didn’t tell me, I found out through some random other guy. I questioned dude when I finally saw him and he lied to me about three times before finally telling the truth. I was more hurt that he lied about it than anything else.
2nd Guy actually told me that we would marry when I turned 35. Well, dude married someone else three years prior to my 35th birthday. I saw him out at a club, he spent most of the night trying to be near me or watching my every move. The very next day, he told my Mom that he had married and moved the chick into the house down the street. I stopped speaking to him for a while after that. I was mad that he told my Mom because he knew that she would tell me.
Both marriages became drama filled and ended before the 4 year mark.
I can only think of one person for whom I’d feel some kinda way. And not even because there’s any chance of us being together again, but because it’s HIM and because of the US we used to be. Does that make any sense?
Can we just hold hands and sway back in forth in solidarity as the choir sings?
I am SO there with you. I feel this way about any dude I’ve had feelings for that I don’t absolutely abhor or am grossed out about at the moment. Call it selfishness, call it jealousy, call it insanity. I just think of it as a reality check. Apparently their world DOESN’T revolve around me go figure. And when its someone that you still have feelings for its even more devastating for that exact same reason you mentioned…he done took away your possibility. I am ALL about possibilities.
Oh, and if I’m into someone at the time, not even a committed relationship necessarily, I really don’t care WHAT they do. Even when part of me STILL wants to be with them. I funny that way.
Oh and I forgot to mention that “How dare you move on before me” component of this. They off and get married and I’m still terminally single? Not fair! And don’t let them have been a world class A-Hole. Then I’m REALLY shouting conspiracy!
Miss…that “what if” is somethin else, ain’t it?
nexgrl…Dag, I can’t believe you had to go through that twice. And they didn’t even have the decency to be forthcoming about it? Mmmmhmmm, see I ain’t gon say nothin’ about the marriages turning south.
La…giiirrrlll, does any of this makes sense? LOL, you’re in good company. Don’t worry about it
We are >>>HERE< <<
Maho Brown…Chile, I hear you on the “How dare you move on before me”. LOL, I ain’t even get that far. Shooot, let me hurry up and move on before too long.
You gals sure know how to make a sista feel sane in her crazy world!
~B. Good
Uh…yeah!! You know what it was for me? It wasnt that I still had feelings for him, but because I felt some kinda way about him making moves when I wasnt. I felt left back or slow or something.
But then there’s also the straight up…”Congratulaaaaaaations. I thought it would have been me..oh oh oh oh oh!”
Girl, you inspired a post on this one. Coming soon in the New Year. Now that I think about it, I actually have one in draft already called “Affected” after the Vivian Green song. LOL!
Anywho, I definitely have one ex-luva where we have a LONG history and are still very much in contact. He’s currently committed, but not very happy in it. I have always thought in the back of my mind that we would end up together, although it would take a WHOLE lot of changing on my part. So I guess my heart would sink if he proposed to ole girl, which is where they are supposed to be headed. But he obviously still has feelings for me. So much more to the story, but I am so feeling you!
[…] I used to. I’m not as attached to people and things as I used to be. I had a post about being affected……yeah this guy is one of the men mentioned in that post. The other…is the one […]