ShesOpinionated.com

There’s this guy thats been wanting to take me out for awhile now. I’ve been puttin’ him off because……I’m just not interested (nor am I attracted to him). But I finally gave in, and agreed to go on a date with him.

 

Why not, right? Since nobody ELSE wants to talk to me.

Last night was a preliminary date type of setting. He manages this barestaurant I go to regularly, so he invited me to come to this event they were having - a couple liquor companies were given out free dranks. While I was there we ordered dinner, so we kinda ate, talked, and drank while he was also running the barestaurant. It was cool. I love that place, and I like that the pre-date wasn’t so “formal”.

 
And then, it happened.

 
It always does.

 
He was getting comfortable with me and wanted to start……touching me, hugging me, holding my hand, kissing my cheek……ECK! Back UP already. I know you like me or whatever, but if you’re tryna get to know me, PLEASE know that I don’t like alladat. I am NOT affectionate.

 
At least, not with him. At least, not yet. Dude, this is the pre-date. This ain’t even the real date yet. I don’t know you MAN! I need you to let me inhale and exhale my OWN air, thank you.

 
I swear this is why I stopped “dating”. I’m so uncomfortable with the whole thing. I’m crazy about my personal space. I don’t want ANYONE in it. I don’t like that “in my face” shit.

 
Well, actually, I guess I don’t like it until……I do. I never really liked it until met this guy out here. Actually, I met a couple of guys out here that I didn’t mind having in my face. It was kinda, instant. I didn’t have to warm up to ‘em or anything. I was already primed and ready to go.

 
Are they in my face now?

 
Nope. *sigh*

 
The pre-date guy……he’s a nice enough person, with a sincere interest in me. He’d wine & dine me for days on end if I let him. Problem is……I don’t want him to.

 
This is so stupid. Its never the guy you want that is willing to go the extra mile for you. Why can’t I want the extra mile guy?

 
And that brings me to this point. Another reason for my hesitation, is that he eerily reminds me of a previous situation that tried to demolished me.

 

I put that guy off for a year, then decided to give him a chance after he kept asking. I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but he had a good way about him (so I thought). He was also the touchy, feely, in my space type. And I hated it. I tried to be cool with it, and I compromised with myself after awhile to where my skin didn’t crawl every time he touched me, but I never got entirely comfortable with the idea.

 
Now that I think about this, I guess it was inevitable that he wasn’t gonna be “the dude” for me. And I guess it had to go down like that for me to stop wavering on my level of comfort in being with him “like that”. I battled with myself on why I couldn’t just FEEL it with him. He was great on paper. Wined & dined me. The whole nine. But honestly, I was forcing a feeling that wasn’t really there. Not all the way, anyway.

 
Wow.

 
I mean I’ve known this for awhile, and like I said, I’ve been battling with the “why can’t I like him the way he likes me” thing. Only to find out, he ain’t really like me. Not enough to stop him from fuckin a former sister-like person to me.

 
Hmph, lol. I’m laughing to myself now. Perhaps demolished was too strong of a word. I guess it freed me of that internal battle. I don’t owe anyone my affection, just because they want it.

 
Yeah, so getting back to the start……

 
……I’m crazy about my personal space, and I will flee in a minute if I feel you encroaching upon it. Especially if I don’t necessarily want you there.

 
And thats the issue. This guy is cool and all, and yeah he likes me, but I don’t feel that chemistry…that excitement…that electric spark that rips through you when ur around someone that gets your motor running.

 
Truth is, my motor is stuck on someone else’s key. Two someone else’s to be exact. And neither one of ‘em want to give me the time of day.

 
I guess I’ll be stuck there until……I’m not.

 
Enter my new internal battle.

 

 

 

This is SHESOPINIONATED.com,
and everyone is entitled to my opinion.