The Pseudo Boyfriend
August 22nd, 2008 | 
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So I got this pseudo BF. In my eyes, we’re “dating”. In his eyes, we’re married with kids.
He’s really sweet and he means well, but……
……there’s always a “but”, huh?
Ionknow. I’m just hestitant/scared/afraid/fearful/unsure about solidifying anything with him (or anyone for that matter). I just don’t trust nobody. And I don’t wanna have to kill nobody, so I’m keepin’ everyone’s safety and freedom in mind.
But I really enjoy him and his company (when he’s not annoying the shit outta me). He’s truly a sweetheart and has been someone I can count on (for the most part). That’s all that should matter for the time being, ain’t it?
Still, I don’t trust it. He’s still a male. He’s still capable of doing some treacherous shit and blaming it on “his nature”.
You know that’s where guys go first. “I’m a man, I need it. I’m a man, I have to do it. I’m a man, I can’t control it.” Yeah, whatever.
But when I’m away from him for an extended period of time……I notice. And I don’t think of his annoying, childish, juvenile, male ways……instead, I think about his generosity and eagerness to please me and be near me (which is another thing that can work my nerves, lol, but I’m realizing that its a positive annoyance and I’m trying to adjust). Sometimes I feel bad about giving him the cold shoulder, or sending a harsh word his way. He’s such a softy when it comes to me.
And at the same time, I swear sometimes I think I’m dating a 5 year old, and yall know I don’t do kids!
He can drive a sista UP a wall.
Have mercy, how did I end up here? This has to be some mission from God.
Anyways, I’ve been invited to this party tonight. I was gonna invite him to go with me, but I don’t know…
- There’s gonna be other guys there. Guys that I’m friends with, and who’ll wanna talk to me.
- Homie’s kinda sensitive to that sorta thing, and I don’t know if he’d take it well or have a good time.
- Knowing this about homie, should I still roll dolo to the party? (I haven’t told him who will be in attendance)
- I don’t even know if I feel like going (alone). I mean, the guys are cool and what not, but they’re on the younger side, which means the crowd is gonna be on the younger side, and……the last time I went, it was kinda whatever. I felt like Ma dukes still tryna hang with the kiddies, back when just having liquor around meant the party was crackin. Nowadays……naw, not so much. For me its more about the company I keep. And I know these guys…but I don’t feel I know ‘em enough to go party without backup.
Eh, we’ll see. But I think I’ve just decided not to take homie if I do go.
I’ll keep ya posted. Oh, and we’re going to the Bronx Zoo on Sunday! YAAAYYYY!!! Yall just don’t know how excited I am. OH, and we went to Coney Island a few weekends ago. SO fun.
That’s another thing I like about him. He likes to go do stuff with me. Pretty much whatever I throw out there, he’ll jump on it.
Teehee!
aaawww… He sounds like a sweetie!
I think a lot of times females complain about they want a guy who will go the extra mile for them and do X, Y, and Z for them, but when we get it, we don’t know how to receive it. I say enjoy him and hope he stays that way.
I wouldn’t take him to the party either. They always say don’t bring sand to the beach.
…any yes, please get a blackberry or something so I can stay up to date. LOL
Well since we’re the same person, I don’t really need to throw my 3 cents out there…but, why not? Someone else may need it. LOL. *this will probably be a blog of mine too*
Bottom line is this: if we don’t take risks, we’ll never know. Some of us feel safer not knowing because what we DO know is that we won’t get hurt/disappointed; and that’s a big relief. But the downside to that is a lonely existence, or forever attaching yourself partially to someone or someone who can only be partially attached. (the latter I know of too well)
However, the BUTs are still BUTs. And that’s where I have my own issues. I feel like either I’ll wind up settling for someone nice (that I’m not exactly passionate or excited about) or I’ll wind up again with someone I really like who doesn’t deserve me and will show me in a matter of time. In the meantime, between time…I look around me and I’m not really inspired by anyone else’s relationships to break out of that thinking.
I’m realizing that this one really is in God’s hands. Not only am I not trusting males, in this area of my life, I’m obviously not trusting God either. I suppose when I release myself to do that, He’ll fill in all the gaps. I know better, I’m just not doing better. It’s still a process…
Enjoy yourself though. If you don’t wanna jump all in and put titles on it, don’t give into the pressure to. And if he really likes you for you and wants to be with you, he’ll accept you as you are and walk with you as you transition.
p.s. yes, get a blackberry!
I luvs it! I have a pseudo boo too. We won’t commit to each other, but we act as we are dating. Weird. I am happy that I am not alone!!!!
Have fun! but make sure that you like him too! lol. Really though, its exciting…particularly since you missed him!
lol you know i like to travel and do parties solo. Why? b.c i like to play like i’m single even if it’s for a couple of hours.
just take your time with the “relationship” though
Good luck with the Bronx Zoo. I haven’t been there in 16 years. (The park? yes. The Zoo? Not so much.)
Maybe I’ll need to make a re-visit.
I like pseudos!
Ok so how old is he?
Where he from?
What kinda family he come from?
I ask (cuz i’m nosy) because I always ask these questions, and bec maybe it’ll help me figure ou why he acts like a kindergartener!
Oh, and I agree with Andrea, gotta take risks!! (and hope for a scar that’s in a place that’s not visible. lol)
Deep post.
Awww I’m excited for you but I understand your fear. Just give it time. A leopard ALWAYS reveals his spots eventually. However, as hard as it is, meantime just continue to enjoy him. He wants to actually go out and do things with you?! Does he have any brothers?! LOL!
Enjoy!