Captain Save-a-Bro
That’s the term I use to describe a woman who tends to save a man from his circumstance.
“Better” could mean going back to school, stopping his philandering ways, expanding his wardrobe (to more than jeans and a white tee), etc.
How does it make you feel to be that person in your man’s life? Is it your pleasure or is it a burden?
How willing are these men to be saved? Is it their pleasure? Or do they feel burdened by your gentle, yet ever present, encouragement?
Do you notice that you tend to gravitate towards these “fixer-uppers” (or vice versa)? If so, why might that be? Do you prefer it? Is there some benefit or advantage to polishing up a man as opposed to having him ready-made? Like……tailoring him to suit your needs? Customizing?
Then that begs the questions……if you have to change him, even a little bit, was he really FOR you in the first place?
Or are you genuinely trying to improve his quality of life (for his benefit) and help him open doors that he didn’t know he had the key to?
What about when that man leaves, and now some other woman is reaping the benefits of your labor? Any regrets?
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Comments
hummm… I don’t exactly have that problem. The thing is, I think he was automatically inspired to do more because I did more. Like when we met, I already had a masters degree. Instead of downing himself, he did what he had to do to get his. (still working on his). It was prob that his ego would be hurt to know that I had something he didn’t. LOL.
What I do have a problem with sometimes is when he forgets things. I swear men are just way more careless than women. I feel like the mother sometimes when I have to remind him not to forget things, or even holding his things so he wouldn’t lose it. It is a burden sometimes tho.
Was that even related to your post? LOL.
Posted by: Rece | September 8th, 2008 12:41
I don’t have that problem either.
the mister-to-be was already on his own track when I met him. My gentle encouragements sometimes irritate/scare/patronize him. But overall they are welcome. And in all fairness, he encourages me too. He’s not the underachiever in this partnership.
Posted by: GC | September 8th, 2008 14:38
hmm…you know i’ve blogged about this. usually i just fix people up emotionally, like getting them more comfortable talking about feelings and what not. The other stuff i’ve never really had to do or deal with.
this last time i ventured out of my comfort zone and catered to a real fixer-uper. I mean, i can’t even begin to list all his issues. I didn’t fix him up and some other woman still has him, loser and all. But he taught me the lesson that i’d rather have someone come to me whole than partial.
Posted by: young woman on a journey | September 8th, 2008 14:54
Describes my last relationship. I knew I couldn’t fix him but I thought that if I hung in there and was there for him, he would be inspired to get his shit together. Please.
From here on in, he’s gotta pretty much already come assembled. There are some things I can work with, but I just ain’t in the business of doing any major repairs anymore.
Posted by: Vivrant Thang | September 8th, 2008 17:20
dammit…
Posted by: barz | September 16th, 2008 13:50
DONT DO IT!! Back away from the dude and the need to upgrade him. Been there done, done that- it sucked!
Posted by: Cyn | September 17th, 2008 19:05