ShesOpinionated.com

And this is why I should always keep my comments open.

A new commenter, ceecee, said:

You will be fine. trust. Just make sure that:
1) You do not get hurt while you’re working this out
2) Do everything to ensure that no one damages [your] esteem so much that you make them your “god”.

I’m afraid that I was starting to do just that. Have mercy. ME? B.Good? Yikes. That’s not “me” at all.

I think know that’s why God…the real God…has been pulling me back in STRONG.

Not so much because of my recent “pickup” with B, but because of my overall vulnerability (which has increased lately).

Living in NY, alone, without a safety net. I’m just “lucky” (blessed) that I’ve been able to stay in the air on this flying trapeze of life. The friendships that I had (in NY) coming into this situation have since faded, and the friendships I made (in NY) once I got into this situation have also faded, so now I’m more vulnerable than ever.

I don’t say that to gain sympathy. If I was really that miserable, I could just move. I say that to clearly acknowledge……now is when I really need to lean on God. The real God.

Not that I’ve never needed to lean on Him before (shoot, I need Him just to get up every morning), but if I’m not careful…I’ll lose myself in this “concrete jungle where dreams are made of.” I’ll become weak-minded, and start aimlessly following those around me who seem to know what they’re doing, simply because I’m not (as) sure of myself and what I’m doing.

I posted before about a conversation I had with a friend about what women need:

• Women need: security & attention

The two very things I am lacking the most (in the natural world). But in the spiritual world, my God is all the security I need, and He gives me attention anytime I call on Him. If only I’d call on Him. I need Him so much right now.

*whew…let me pause so I can collect myself*

Ok, so…I started this post to talk about sensitivity and emotion.

I mentioned that a certain person was pitying me because I get sensitive and emotional “sometimes”. And I admit, I do…when it comes to certain people, because I allow certain people within the walls, within the barrier, where my sensitivity and emotions are kept. I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, so if I become “emotional”, its because a person has gotten up under my shirt (so to speak, lol). But they’ve gotten deep. And there’s a certain level of responsibility that’s required from a person in order to get up under my shirt. At least…there used to be. I’m afraid that I’ve been slacking on those requirements.

Point (of it all) being……I’ve got my sensitivity and emotions (back) in check. Caught ‘em just before they slipped over the edge, and took me with them.

Its tough being on your own, and I’ve secretly been waiting for someone to save me, foolishly neglecting the fact that…I’ve already been saved.

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