DAYUM!

 
Easy Jazmine……eeeeasy……

I get chills everytime I hear this song.

Her voice……whew. It captures the very essence of love and pain.

(not to mention, the joint is just HOT)

Real talk ladies……who’s been there before?

Who’s there NOW???

Hmmm, maybe you shouldn’t incriminate yourselves.

I have yet to (seriously) attack someones property for being an ass to me. But MAN! If I could do it and get away with it……and if I didn’t think it would come back on me……

Wooo CHILE!

Now……I don’t condone such actions……

……But I DO understand.

*sing along*   “I bust the windows out your caaarrrr……”

Totally.

 
Down to the silly jokes Steve would tell, and how much it would irritate Miranda. To how Miranda would play the relationship off as casual and “whatever”, and Steve was openly and shamelessly in love with her. Almost like the more she fought against it, the more he loved her.

 
Ack.

 
I had a series of random dreams last night (Tommy Davidson showed up, ok! It doesn’t get more random than that, lol. And I couldn’t remember for the life of me what skits he did on In Living Color.)

……but anyway…sorry for the tangent……

 
at some point in the dreams, these words were spoken to me–

The one you always wanted to be with and the one you don’t want to be without. Merge the two together and that’s how you find “the one”.

 
I can’t remember the context in which the words were spoken, but they stuck in my head as I woke up. Trippy, eh?

 
I don’t know who this guy is to me now or who he might be to me later, but I know I picked a HUGE fight with him, and am in the process of pushing him (among others) away.

 
I feel this incredible urge to be left alone, and I’m counting down the days till I see my Mommy, Nana, and Papa (and of course the pets).

 
I don’t know if its hormonal or mental (oh the joys of being a woman). They say hurt people, hurt people. He hurt my feelings, so I hurt his (and probably then some). Thats me…forever on the OFFensive. But I’m over being hurt (for no reason) by someone who I’ve been kind to, over something ridiculous.

 
It doesn’t pay to be nice.

 
I don’t know where I was going with this. Miranda and Steve? — an unlikely pair, but a pair nonetheless. I guess I’m just conflicted and upset.

I need my Mum.

*for those who have NO clue who Miranda and Steve are……CLICK*

 
So I got this pseudo BF. In my eyes, we’re “dating”. In his eyes, we’re married with kids.

He’s really sweet and he means well, but……

……there’s always a “but”, huh?

 
Ionknow. I’m just hestitant/scared/afraid/fearful/unsure about solidifying anything with him (or anyone for that matter). I just don’t trust nobody. And I don’t wanna have to kill nobody, so I’m keepin’ everyone’s safety and freedom in mind.

 
But I really enjoy him and his company (when he’s not annoying the shit outta me). He’s truly a sweetheart and has been someone I can count on (for the most part). That’s all that should matter for the time being, ain’t it?

 
Still, I don’t trust it. He’s still a male. He’s still capable of doing some treacherous shit and blaming it on “his nature”.

You know that’s where guys go first. “I’m a man, I need it. I’m a man, I have to do it. I’m a man, I can’t control it.” Yeah, whatever.

But when I’m away from him for an extended period of time……I notice. And I don’t think of his annoying, childish, juvenile, male ways……instead, I think about his generosity and eagerness to please me and be near me (which is another thing that can work my nerves, lol, but I’m realizing that its a positive annoyance and I’m trying to adjust). Sometimes I feel bad about giving him the cold shoulder, or sending a harsh word his way. He’s such a softy when it comes to me.

And at the same time, I swear sometimes I think I’m dating a 5 year old, and yall know I don’t do kids!

He can drive a sista UP a wall.

 
Have mercy, how did I end up here? This has to be some mission from God.

 
Anyways, I’ve been invited to this party tonight. I was gonna invite him to go with me, but I don’t know…

1. There’s gonna be other guys there. Guys that I’m friends with, and who’ll wanna talk to me.
    

2. Homie’s kinda sensitive to that sorta thing, and I don’t know if he’d take it well or have a good time.
    

3. Knowing this about homie, should I still roll dolo to the party? (I haven’t told him who will be in attendance)
    

4. I don’t even know if I feel like going (alone). I mean, the guys are cool and what not, but they’re on the younger side, which means the crowd is gonna be on the younger side, and……the last time I went, it was kinda whatever. I felt like Ma dukes still tryna hang with the kiddies, back when just having liquor around meant the party was crackin. Nowadays……naw, not so much. For me its more about the company I keep. And I know these guys…but I don’t feel I know ‘em enough to go party without backup.

 
Eh, we’ll see. But I think I’ve just decided not to take homie if I do go.

 
I’ll keep ya posted. Oh, and we’re going to the Bronx Zoo on Sunday! YAAAYYYY!!! Yall just don’t know how excited I am. OH, and we went to Coney Island a few weekends ago. SO fun.

That’s another thing I like about him. He likes to go do stuff with me. Pretty much whatever I throw out there, he’ll jump on it.

Teehee!

This has got to be the WORST season of Bridezillas, yet. And by worst, I mean……the most horrid looking weddings I’ve ever seen, considering the stress it took to get there, and the worst at-ti-tudes I’ve ever seen displayed in public.

 
The most horrific crimes……are these dresses. Namely, the bridesmaid’s dresses. Why don’t people make comfortable, sensible decisions when choosing 1) their bridesmaids, and 2) the dresses they’ll wear? Strapless dresses do NOT work for everyone. If you have full-figured bridesmaids, with large breasts and large backs……you might wanna choose a different style of dress. Backless dresses??? No boo-boo, not gonna fly with the side rolls up and down your maid of honor’s back. STOP IT!

 
That bootleg Houston wedding, where the bride’s dress was cut out on the sides, and extra ruffled or some shit. Tex’s friend said it best - it looked like the inside of a coffin. That was awful!
 
BRAS! Incredible inventions that prevent saggy boobs from falling out of a dress. USE ‘EM!

 
All this not being able to fit the dress?? That’s some bull. I mean how much time passes between the buying of the dress, and the wedding, that it doesn’t fit……AT ALL? Having to buy a new dress because you outgrew yours is NOT a good look.

(Did yall SEE the way that one girl ATE??? It was ridiculous…and so despicable considering the fact that she already couldn’t fit her dress, her wedding was days away, and her parents woulda had to seriously come out of pocket AGAIN due to her inconsiderate behavior. How wack!)

 
Ummm, this chick who wanted the grooms cake in the shape of a vagina??? I mean she was DEAD serious. Thank God her sister has sense, and forced her to choose a more sensible design. Even the cake lady was lookin at that broad crazy. A vagina??? At your wedding? I can’t…..I just can’t.

Dear God, where did they find these people???

 
Bitching out your soon-to-be husband over every.lil.thing??? Ummm, isn’t this the man you love and adore? I’d think you’d be a lil kinder to him. I’m amazed some of these women found men willing to commit to them for more than an hour, let alone a lifetime. But hey, it proves yet again that (many) men like that kinda thing.

I’ll be damned if I’m with a guy that I (feel I) have to direct, instruct, guide, teach, and order around like an idiot, and who irritates me to the point that I can’t stand for him to talk to me, look at me, touch me, and I can’t help but fly off the handle at him. Oh HELLS naw (reason why pseudo-boyfriend is on the outs). Who has the energy and desire for all that?

(That Dawn bitch, that’s who. The FAT bitch who was bitchin’ her finace’ out about losing weight and fitting into his suit. BITCH! Have you SEEN you??? Tryna teach him etiquette and shit, and she doesn’t even know how to behave or treat a human being like a PERSON and not a dog. I’ve yet to hear her say something positive about her man or TO her man. She just complains rudely and obnoxiously about everything he does and every move he makes. That bitch has nerve. Ok, I probably shouldn’t use the word bitch so many times in so few sentences about a person…a woman…I don’t even know. But there is NO other word to describe that chick. She’s a straight BITCH!

Her and that psycho Italian woman, with the horrible blond dye job, who remarried her ex-husband. He’s a DUMBASS for that one. Did yall see her act a straight FOOL in the travel agency when she wanted the $9000 plane tickets - EACH! - to wherever their honeymoon was, and then in the restaurant when she didn’t like the wedding band he gave her so she caused a scene and stormed out the building, and then at the rehearsal dinner when she got whiny and loud cuz they brought out a cake for someone else’s birthday? (Ok, I kinda felt her on that one…it wasn’t exactly the time and place for someone else’s birthday celebration…but dammit, act like a grown-up and deal with that shit later and with some maturity) She is a spoiled BITCH and they’ll be in divorce court YET again.)

 
OH! Its enough to make me wanna spit! I will SO pass on that whole “wedding” thing, if thats what happens when you plan it; you disrespect and disregard the very person you’re committing your life to, alienate your friends and family (and vice versa) all for the sake of……an “event”???

 
All this selfishness and spoiledness……me me me and my my my.

BITCH!

 
WHO IS YOU?

 
With your tacky ass wedding. Oh, I can’t stand it!

 
Is it really necessary? Is it really worth it?

Have Mercy.

And some of these “younger” women (21, 22, 23) look old as hell!

 

 

Ok, I’m done.

 
So I think I have a boyfriend. At least, that’s what he says. But he hasn’t convinced me to stop dating yet, so I don’t see it the same way.

I messed around and treated a guy to dinner this weekend. I didn’t mean to, but I guess since I picked up the check first, that meant I was paying. I was just ready to go since they took forever to bring the check, so I was tryna hurry up and contribute my part. He didn’t even bother to look at the check, and instead looked at me all gratuitously. Ummm?? Note to self: don’t do that again. Oh, he did try to pitch in on the tip. But uhhh, he took too long to do that; I already had it covered. Let’s just bounce.

I guess I should add that he “treated” me to a movie and drove for the night (which was surely a treat for a notorious driver like myself); hence why I was gonna buy my OWN dinner. But whatever. I hope he enjoyed it, cuz that’ll be the last time that happens.

Then he had the nerve to get cozy in my apt and volunteered (several times) to drop by during the week to bring DVDs for us to watch. Gee, thanks for the offer and all, but ummm, just cuz my place is the bomb, and you recognize this, doesn’t mean I want you there. How bout I invite you first, eh? Tryna be all up in my spot, cuz his place is a matchbox and his TV sucks. I’m cool. Drop off the DVDs, then take your ass HOME.

Besides, the boy friend might be coming over.

 
I’m stingy. Like, for real. At least, when it comes to spending money/time on anyone but myself. I guess that makes me selfish too.

I’m too independent for my own good. Thats what my “boyfriend” told me (not in so many words, but thats what he meant).

He’s right.

But just because I don’t ask for nothin, doesn’t mean I have it all. It just means I ain’t askin’ for it. Apparently I should be asking for the things I want & need, instead of getting ‘em for myself.

Note taken.

My weekend was everything I wanted it to be.

(except for unexpectedly coming out the pocket for dinner).